Wesley Press

Wesley Press, reputedly Murfreesboro's smartest citizen, offers tutoring services for children of all ages from his apartment in the basement of the county courthouse (making him one of the show's few sponsors apparently located on the town square, rather than "just off the square"). One may feel an unwanted, uncomfortable feeling while in the presence of Mr. Press. A severe chain smoker, his apartment is yellow from the cigarette smoke. When in school, he was a victim of severe bullying, much of it egged on by Dunlap, and at one time he was investigated by the FBI, who believed that he might have been the Unabomber on account of him being so smart. (He was apparently turned in by his sister, Leslie Press. Leslie Press in turn has worked across the nation at various liquor stores because they are the only place where she can smoke at work.) He briefly dated Dilly Mulerider and portrayed the resurrected Jesus in her "Easter around the Square" production, but broke up for a while. He later began offering his own lesson plans for order, in addition to offering to lecture children who might be confused on transgender issues after the public transition of Caitlyn Jenner. Currently, he tutors children as part of Mercky Shellback's Double Decker Bus 'Round the Square